Man….so many struggles today and honestly for the past 2 weeks. It has been a whirlwind of emotion and frustration. People I know and meet are hurting and struggling. Choices that need to be made, need to be made today. Hope that people need right now, needs to flow like a river. Myself I have been dealing with some health struggles and wondering why now….seriously, why now. My anxiety and worry has been flourishing more than anything these days.
I think a lot of it is from worry about health and also some about future. I know that Scripture tells me not to worry about tomorrow but you know that is easier said than done. What will my future look like 5-10 years from now? What will happen to the denomination I love? Yeah we have struggles but I desire for us to stay together. My wife of 22+ years is my best friend and true soulmate. That is not a struggle and I have that going for me. What about our kids? I mean one will graduate college in a few years while another will be going through it. Wow, they sure do grow up quick. Have I told them everything that I needed to tell them? Did I share my heart enough with them? Was I too hard on them as a dad? Was I a good spiritual dad to them?
I realize that life comes in waves. Waves of peace and prosperity. Waves of highs and lows and sometimes waves of struggle and worry. So what else is there to say. I am in a season of worry about health, ministry and my kids. I want the best for my kids, I want the best out of the ministry God has given to me (yes God is very gracious and without that I am nothing), I want my health not to be a factor in all this. So for me to say the struggle is real, is an honest statement and I believe in being honest and open.
So here is my cry to God today….Send Your peace like no other. Scripture tells me that it is a peace which passes ALL understanding and I need that right now. Some joy, some hope, some healing, some peace…needs to flow over me like a river. I am willing to wade in the water and let the waves go above me but I need God’s peace to overwhelm. Overwhelm Holy Spirit…I need this struggle to go away.